Saturday, August 16, 2008
On my bday, he will pack the largest ang bao for me.
On Chinese New Year, he packs ang bao generously for me
On X'mas day, he gives the largest gift for me.
Every farewell, bidded with a peck.
When my parents were still tgt, reprimanded me.
He would stood up for me.
His my only Grand Pa
Day 1
While working. Recieved a call from my mom .
"Hi mom !"
sobbing in tears . . .
"Gong Gong (i call my grand pa that.) is in hospital now. Alexandra Hospital"
"HUH? What time did he admit to ? What happen !?"
"Gong Gong had a lung failure and is in ICU now . Ward 6 . ." ICU - intensive care unit
"What the .. ok MOM . i'll be there as soon as possible!"
Saw the rest of the family sitting down in the ICU ward .
With Grand-Ma sitting emotionless.
It's too big of a trauma for her .
Mom brought me to see Gong Gong .
Nurse : "Are you in a hurry ? Cause we are checking the necessities, 30 minutes will do"
Went back to the waiting area.
Heart pounding and worried.
Wha'ts going to happen to my beloved Grand Pa ?
After 30 mins . .
Mom grabbed my hand and immedietly looked for Grand Pa .
The moment i saw him . .
Tears flow down my cheeks.
His life is surviving on a machine.
It just hurts me to see him being pierced by countless tubes.
"Gong Gong , wake up please. Don't fall this time ! We need you !"
Sobbing . . . Whispering to him . .
"Gong Gong , i still remember that you always gave me the largest ang pao on every occasion . . You would pamper me with love everytime i stay over at your place. stay strong .."
Gently felt his forehead , fever .
Stroke Grand-Pa's hands..
With careful precision not to meddle with the instruments.
Mom : "Pa , Nicholas is leaving already. His also very concerned for you . Pa , Nicholas said to you to stay strong ok? (Prayer words) Nicholas leaving already. "
"Gong Gong, stay strong alrights? , i still remember you would peck on my cheeks & lips whenever i'm about to leave. I yearn for it Gong Gong . Stay strong ! We believe you can do it . .!"
Mom : "Yea , we all pray that Gong Gong going to be alright . Doctor said his condition is not improving , he may . . . but we still pray for the positive side.. "
In Waiting area .
"But why Gong Gong is in this state ? His always jogging every evening and all that. He don't even smoke or drink ! He dind't show any sign of illness or anything ! . . . .
Mom : " that's the problem . . he always appear strong .."
" .. He didn't want us to worry . . No one knows what he is actually going through..
He shows a strong front but actually deep down, he is suffering from it.. "
Tears . . .
"Why grand-pa .. why.."
went back to the waiting area .
everyone went back to rest except my mom.
staying behind.
accompanied my mom.
Mom : " Did you know they are very disappointed with you.? they love you the most but you didn't even call back to ask about them or visit ."
"I know .. it's just that i don't know what to do or say , i feel very difficult to explain. No one can share my problems with me. "
Mom : " Mommy tried to approach you, trying to give the best to you. But everytime i try, you shut the doors . I thought maybe others can try. Mommy thought you can't communicate so i approach Jennifer Aunty to speak to you.. Did you know she also concerns alot for you? Infact, all of us are.. "
"It's not that i didn't want to share my problems and stuffs. It's IN ME . Remember when we are together as a family. . I always kept problems within my self. That's the problem. I kept everything to myself and let time heals. But everytime i do that, i fall apart gravely. Have i got any choice ?"
Mom : "Sorry, mummy can't do anything too.. i tried to help you.. financially ; but your father made me suffered so much. I'm still paying off his debts. If not for him and the house , i woulnd't have lost 130k .. "
"That's why i've veen hanging out with my friends. Trying to ease everything. I just felt very comfortable with them. But it has it's limits. They can only do to such an extent. I can't confide everything to them . So part of me is still literally Hanging .
Mom : " How did you get to know them ? Then do you know their family background ?
"There's this very good friend of mine. We went through our driving license course together. Once, i waited for them coming back from JB . His handphone is with me so while waiting, i just listen to music and stuffs. I browse through his inbox, saw his family messages. "Gor Gor loves you. Come back early ok. Everyone worried for you (:" ; " Still don't come back ? I'm going to cane you when u come back ar. haha " Supposedly from his mom. Those few messages, how i yearn for that family warmth again . ."
Tears rolled down on my mom's cheeks.
Mom : "when mommy wanted a divorce , you chose Pa Pa. You didn't reject him so i thought, & he said he would fight for you , i let him have it because i thought he will take care of you. Sorry .."
"It's not your fault mom.. none of us wanted this to happen..
After having heart to heart talks with my mom..
Mom : " it's getting late already. you better head home ok? i stay here look after Gong Gong . Ride safely ok. Now it's the . . . . . .month. i teach you some prayer words. Speak after me . . "
"Ok mom, i love you. i believe Gong Gong will get over this !"
Mom : " Yea .. (with a smile) I accompany you to your bike.
5:39 AM...i'm thinkin' of you
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